All we have is the present moment. Too often, we let our thoughts steal the present by thinking about the past or future:

As it is, I would say about 80 to 90 percent of most people’s thinking is not only repetitive and useless, but because of its dysfunctional and often negative nature, much of it is also harmful. Observe your mind and you will find this to be true. It causes a serious leakage of vital energy.

-Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

Reflect on the most enjoyable moment of your life. Did this moment involve thinking, or were you completely focused on an activity? Chances are, you were completely focused on an activity. When you become intensely conscious of the present moment, you create a gap in thinking, in which you are highly alert and aware. Those who have meditated have experienced this enjoyable state of consciousness.

There is no off switch for your mind

Our minds are always running automatically, and we are addicted to thinking. So how can we experience this more enjoyable state of consciousness more often, in which we are truly living in the moment? To do this, we must give our normal daily activities the fullest attention, so that they become an end in themselves.

For example, yesterday I was shining my shoes, which is typically a mundane activity for me. But this time, I purposefully focused my attention completely on the activity, ensuring I didn’t miss a single spot and applying the right amount of shoe shine. To my surprise, the activity became highly enjoyable. It had become an end in itself, while in the past, it had been a means to an end.

Stopping your thoughts from stealing the present moment

Your past and future have no reality- your only reality is the present. As you focus on the past or future, your present moment becomes stolen. The more you focus in the present, the more alive and conscious you become.

When you are walking through your house or place of work, notice every step you make, every movement, and your breathing. Focus completely on the activity without thinking. Do this for all of your daily activities. You will begin to feel a level of inner peace that you had never felt before.

Negative emotions come from thinking too much about the past or future

Fear, stress and worry come from too much focus on the future. Guilt, sadness and regret come from too much focus on the past. When your focus is on the present, you free yourself from these negative emotions.

Three tips for living in the present

1)      Focus on your daily activities as an end in themselves, without thinking about the past or future

2)       Do not judge yourself when you drift between living in the present and the past or future. Do become aware of the times when you are not focused on the present

3)       Continue practicing and choosing to focus your consciousness in the present. You will become better at this, until focus on the present moment becomes your predominate state

photo credit: stop.down

We humans adapt quickly to new circumstances. Take the lottery for example- do you think you would become permanently happier if you won it today? Studies have found that recent lottery winners are in fact temporarily happier, but soon after, they adjust and are no happier than others. If we are constantly adapting to positive change in our lives, then how can we sustain an increased level of happiness over the long-term? To answer this question, we must first understand what determines our happiness.

There are three major determinants of happiness

1)       Your genetic baseline / range of potential happiness

2)       Your current circumstances (e.g. health, income, region where you live)

3)       Your current intentional activities (e.g. exercising regularly, writing a book, attending college)

Pessimists might read this list and argue that you can never raise your genetic baseline level of happiness. They might say that even with circumstance or activity changes, you will always revert to a genetically-determined level of happiness. This is a fair argument, especially considering the lottery example, but one study completed by Kennon Sheldon and Sonja Lyubomirsky has come to very a different conclusion.

You can sustain happiness above your genetic baseline level

According to the study, activity changes lead to sustainable increased levels of happiness, above your genetic baseline level. Circumstantial changes, by contrast, do not lead to sustainable increased levels of happiness. What does this mean? Winning the lottery or securing a raise (circumstantial changes) will increase your happiness temporarily. Starting to exercise or initiating a new goal (activity changes), will increase your happiness permanently.

This means that as long as you continue introducing intentional positive activity changes into your life, you can sustain higher levels of happiness. To use this knowledge effectively, you must be aware that activity-based changes are those that involve continual effort and engagement in some intentional process. Circumstance-based changes are one-time changes that tend to occur independently of effort and engagement.

Three habits you can start today to become happier and sustain it

1)       Stop falsely believing that changes in your current circumstances will lead to sustained increased happiness

2)       Start introducing positive activity changes into your life

3)       Practice virtues of gratitude, thankfulness, and thoughtful self-reflection

photo credit: tassiesim

Be miserable or motivate yourself. Be helpless or in control. Blame someone or take responsibility. These are examples of two ways you can see your life. One way leads to happiness, the other to dissatisfaction.

I’m working through this weekend with my project team to complete an approaching deadline. At one point in time, I would have seen working the weekend as “This isn’t fair, my free time is being used to benefit the company I work for.” Now, I take responsibility and see it as “This is a rewarding opportunity to push my limits, learn and grow.” I chose my career knowing that it would involve lots of travel and the potential for long hours and weekend work. There is no reason to cope in your career (or anything else)- either change your mindset about it, or change it.

Optimism versus Pessimism

What this really comes down to is optimism versus pessimism. When you see your life pessimistically, this leads to helplessness. When you see your life optimistically, this leads to control. Optimism can be learned, but it isn’t an easy path for those accustomed to a pessimistic mindset. The easy path is to quit at the first sign of failure or negative feedback. The less-traveled path is to see negative events as temporary setbacks, or learning experiences. You will gain much more from life taking the optimist’s path versus quitting at the first sign of failure or coping.

It’s Your Choice

All you have is the now. You can spoil it by being miserable and feeling helpless- or enjoy it by motivating yourself and taking control. It’s your choice.

photo credit: vimoh

What does it benefit to man if he gains the entire world, but loses himself?

-Jesus Christ

Social programming is the set of instructions each of us learned to fit in with society. Our family members, school teachers, and peer groups were all part of the socialization process. The long-term affect of this socialization is that we seek external approval and external goals in our lives. If we are to take control of our consciousness and pursue our own goals, we must learn to break free from social programming:

Caught in a treadmill of social controls, that person keeps reaching for a prize that always dissolves in his hands. In a complex society, many powerful groups are involved in socializing, sometimes to seemingly contradictory goals . . . Schools, churches, and banks try to turn us into responsible citizens willing to work hard and save . . . merchants, manufacturers, and advertisers to spend our earnings on products that will produce the most profits for them . . . gamblers, pimps, and drug dealers . . . promise rewards for easy dissipation- provided we pay. The messages are very different, but their outcome is essentially the same: they make us dependent on a social system that exploits our energies for its own purposes.

-Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow

Society tries bribing us at every opportunity. People who submit completely to social programming, and mistakenly believe that their happiness is obtained only by achieving external goals, are “rat racers” who never enjoy the present moments of life.

Do you constantly delay gratification to the future? Are you always looking to others for approval, and setting external goals? If so, your social programming is being used against you:

Ways Your Social Programming Can Be Used Against You

Money- “I want to be rich”

• Falsely believing that you will be happy when you make more money
• Becoming a workaholic to make more money

Status- “I want to be popular”

• Falsely believing that “once I obtain status, people will like and respect me”
• Trying to “keep up with the Joneses”
• Becoming popular with lots of people, but not building close relationships with individuals

Approval- “I want to be liked”

• Working at a job you hate to pay for your family’s high consumption
• Pursuing a career path that Mom or Dad told you to go after
• Not speaking up at work when you have a good idea, for fear of getting shot down

Power- “I want to dominate”

• Using others only as a means to achieve your goals
• Trying to one-up others, dominate conversations
• Pinpoint other people’s weaknesses and failures

How to Break Free from Social Programming

The key to breaking free from social programming is not to eliminate all external goals. Instead, it is to create goals that are meaningful to you personally, and then enjoy the day to day process of realizing those goals. Here are some tips for breaking free-

1) Choose your own values, principles, and goals

To assume responsibility for choosing our values, principles, and goals, relying solely upon our own reason and understanding- to honor our internal signals to that extent- is to practice the ultimate form of intellectual independence, the one most difficult for the overwhelming majority of human beings and for which their upbringing has least prepared them.

-Nathaniel Branden, Honoring the Self

It’s easy to adopt external goals that society gives you- after all, those are the goals you were programmed to adopt. It’s more difficult to create your own set of values- this requires intellectual independence and aloneness from society.

2) Follow your own vision

You follow your own vision by moving forward with your own personally selected goals, and not letting any external circumstances circumvent who you are. Following your own vision can leave you feeling alone in the world, and requires courage. But the more you are able to become independent and think for yourself, the higher your own self-esteem will be.

3) Accept your aloneness

You must accept your aloneness in order to truly be free of social programming:

We can learn from one another, but we cannot share the act of being conscious or of thinking. We can share the results- namely, our thoughts and perceptions- but consciousness, awareness, thinking, reasoning is, ultimately, an individual, solitary process, not a social one. And many people dread independent thought and judgment precisely because of this factor of inescapable aloneness; it makes them aware of their own separateness as living entities; it makes them aware of the responsibility they must bear for their own existence.

-Nathaniel Branden, Honoring the Self

4) Be honest with yourself

Here is a poem which emphasizes being honest with yourself:

The Guy in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn’t your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He’s the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear up to the end,
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and “chisel” a plum,
And think you’re a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you’ve cheated the guy in the glass.

-Dale Wimbrow

Note: The word pelf in the first line means “wealth.”

Breaking Free is a Life-Long Process

Your genes instruct you on what feels good and bad, and society bribes you on how to expend your energy. To take control of your consciousness, you must be fully aware of social and genetic programming, and make yourself independent of it as much as possible. By taking control of your consciousness, and following your own vision, you will become better at thinking for yourself and more independent of others.

Breaking free is a life-long process, not a one-time effort. But I promise you, based on my own personal experience- the quality of your own life will improve drastically when you begin the process of breaking free.

Part of the Breaking Free Series

photo credit: Arbitrium

Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life, and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.

-Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Ultimate Meaning

Have you answered the ultimate question in your own life? Or are you sleepwalking through each day in autopilot mode? One way to find meaning is by challenging yourself each day, and continuing to grow as an individual.

Move Your Village

An Indian tribe of British Columbia believed that without challenge, life had no meaning. The tribe lived in a very resource-plentiful area, with plenty of salmon and game, and below-ground food- tubers and roots. They had elaborate technologies for using their plentiful environment effectively, and perceived their lives as being good and rich. But at times, the tribe elders said that the world became too predictable and there was no challenge in their life. Canadian ethnographer Richard Kool describes the tribe’s solution:

So the elders, in their wisdom, would decide that the entire village should move, those moves occurring every 25 to 30 years. The entire population would move to a different part of the Shushwap land and there, they found challenge. There were new streams to figure out, new game trails to learn, new areas where the balsamroot would be plentiful. Now life would regain its meaning and be worth living. Everyone would feel rejuvenated and healthy. Incidentally, it also allowed exploited resources in one area to recover after years of harvesting.

Like the tribe, you may be ready for a new challenge. What can you change to “move your village” and bring meaning into your life?

Ways to Move Your Village

Most jobs and leisure activities are not meant to challenge us and help us grow- their intent is to make someone else money. If we are to be challenged and grow from these activities, we must take matters into our own hands.

Challenge Yourself In Your Free Time

Do: Fill your free time with activities that require concentration, increase skills, and lead to personal growth.

Examples: Play tennis, join a band, become a wine connoisseur, learn to swing dance

Don’t: Fill your free time with mindless activities that do not challenge you or lead to personal growth.

Examples: Watching a sitcom on television, watching a sporting event or concert, taking recreational drugs

Note: Some people may take offense that I put “watching a sporting event or concert” in the Don’t category. But living vicariously through musicians, actors, and sports athletes does not challenge you- actually performing the activity does challenge you.

Challenge Yourself At Work

Do: As much as possible, make your work into a game- add variety, appropriate challenges, clear goals, and constant feedback. This will make it more enjoyable and challenging.

Examples: Your manager gives you a challenging assignment, with a clear goal, and provides feedback on the results. For less difficult tasks such as organizing paperwork in file cabinets, you can challenge yourself by setting a time goal for finishing the task, and listen to some energetic music to help you along the way.

Don’t: Cope through your day at work, with no enjoyment or challenges from your job.

Examples: You are assigned work, and you complete the bare minimum of what is required, not challenging yourself or improving your own skills/technique.

How to Move Your Village in the Most Bleak/Boring/Monotonous Situations

Even the least enjoyable of situations can be turned into growth opportunities:

Richard Logan, who has studied the accounts of many people in difficult situations, concludes that they survived by finding ways to turn the bleak objective conditions into subjectively controllable experience . . . First, they paid close attention to the most minute details of their environment, discovering in it hidden opportunities for action that matched what little they were capable of doing, given the circumstances. Then they set goals appropriate to their precarious situation, and closely monitored progress through the feedback they received. Whenever they reached their goal, they upped the ante, setting increasingly complex challenges for themselves.

-Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow

To create growth out of a bleak, boring, or monotonous situation-

1) Find hidden opportunities for action

2) Set goals appropriate to the difficult situation

3) Whenever you reach your goal, up the ante, creating an increasingly more complex challenge

photo credit: Ben+Sam

When we imagine the future, we often do so in the blind spot of our mind’s eye.

-Daniel Gilbert, Stumbling on Happiness

As a kid, you were probably asked the common question adults ask all kids, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. You used your imagination and came up with an answer. It is highly likely that you did not become what you said you wanted to be as a child. But your imagination as a child predicted that you would be happy in that occupation. What do you think about your predictions now?

For me, as a child, first I wanted to be paleontologist, then Batman, and later, a magician. I did not become any of those, and I don’t know if I would be happy with as any of them (well, maybe as Batman!). So why was my imagination such a bad predictor of what occupation I would be happy with in the future?

The book Stumbling on Happiness describes three errors we make when trying to imagine our future happiness:

Three Errors We Make When Predicting Happiness

Error #1: Realism- We are often fooled by our own imaginations.

Example: When you recall a memory from the past, the brain actually re-writes that memory. The more you don’t remember, the more the brain will embellish when re-writing the memory.

Error #2: Presentism- Applying our current emotional state and ideals onto thoughts of our past or future.

Example: When you are depressed, you vaguely remember being happy in your past, and you don’t think anything in your future would make you happy.

Error #3: Rationalization- We often misjudge how we will feel about the future when we finally get there.

Example: When imagining about a future positive event, such as winning the lottery, you often overestimate your level of happiness.

If our imagination is so bad at predicting our future, how can we predict our future happiness?

Tips for Predicting Future Happiness

1) Never trust your gut

Instead of simply contemplating how your future would be, and making opinions based on that, question yourself.

Example: If you think you would be happier in a different field of work, question yourself. Are you simply having a bad day? Or have you felt like this for some time? Ask others if they think you would enjoy a different field of work.

2) Take action

You will learn a lot more by taking action than you would ever learn by contemplating.

Example: If you think you would be happy in a different career, go job shadow for a day. You will learn a lot more about the job in that day than you ever would have using your imagination.

3) Talk to someone who has already done what you want to do

Because we don’t realize how similar we all are, humans often refuse to use others as surrogates. Taking to someone who has already done what you want to do is an effective way to predict your future emotions. As shown by presentism, realism, and rationalization, relying solely on your imagination is flawed in many ways.

Example: If you think you would be happy in a different career, talk to someone who has already been in that career field. You will get a more realistic perspective than you would have using your imagination.

photo credit: ellhoisa

Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.

-Wayne Dyer

Doing what you love

When I was younger, I loved videogames. I read all the latest videogame magazines, spent all my money on new videogames and game systems, and was obsessed about new games that were coming out soon. Yep- I was a videogame nerd… So when I learned how easy (and free) it was for me to start my own videogame magazine online, and share my love of videogames with others, I jumped at the opportunity.

I started the videogame website, and my passion for videogames soon paid off- I was receiving free games in the mail from game companies to review, had a staff of 10 content writers from around the world working for free (they received free games to review), and was making good money from advertising (as much as $2k/month). This was every videogame nerd’s dream… And I was only 13 at the time- this truly shows how powerful doing what you love can be.

Doing what you think will make you money

On the flip side, in college, I came up with an idea for making money. I launched a dating website specific to my college, hoping to be successful and later expand to other schools. I didn’t love this idea- I was doing it to make money. This lack of love was noticeable in the final product- there was nothing really special about the dating site other than its catering to students from my college. The site ended up being a financial failure, and was a good lesson for me- when you aren’t doing what you love, you are setting yourself up for mediocre results.

If I had loved the dating site idea, versus using it only as a means to make money, would I have been successful? I don’t know. But I do know that I would’ve been more passionate and not so focused on making money. This would’ve increased my chances of success tenfold.

The Power of Doing What You Love

Whether or not our subjective experience of work is of freedom depends on whether we choose to be slaves to material wealth or to emotional prosperity. Slaves to others’ expectations or to our passions.

Tal Ben-Shahar, Happier

When you’re doing what you love, you are in a more passionate state of mind, and always doing your best because you enjoy what you do. You’ll often find yourself in “the flow”, a state where you lose track of time as your focus is solely on your passion. You’ll be better able to handle obstacles that come into your path because you enjoy the day-to-day activity of doing what you love (versus doing something solely as a means to make money).

A study done by the University of Rochester’s Human Motivation Research Group found that people whose motivation was “self-authored” (doing what they love) exhibited more interest, excitement, and confidence, as well as greater persistence, creativity and performance than a control group who were motivated by external demands and rewards (doing what they thought would make them money).

Your Challenge

I now challenge you- in some way, start spending more of your time doing what you love. I’m not saying you should do anything drastic like quitting your job… I am simply asking you to reflect upon what you are most passionate about, and begin spending more time on that area of your life. You may begin to notice (as I did with my videogame site) that abundance will begin to expand in your life when you are doing what you love:

If you follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the life that you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors for you. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be. Life is too short to do only what we have to do; it is barely long enough to do what we want to do.

-William H. Murray