Editor’s Note

Do you believe that what you do for a living is who you are?

Seriously, do you identify most with your job, your house, your car, the school you went to, or the city you live in?

Because these are some of the things we, as humans, identify with. Our ego selves would have us believe that we are our physical bodies, our past, our conditioning, our social standing in life, and even the material things that we possess. It creates its sense of value this way.

But the higher self knows better.

It knows that we are, in truth, spiritual beings.

If you’re concerned that you haven’t found your path or have strayed from it, I would tell you that where you are at this point in your life is not who you are — it is simply the situation you find yourself in, and have created, perhaps on an unconscious level. The situation is designed to teach you — as all of life is intended to do — and if you heed the lesson and understand its implications then you can begin anew at any time to recreate yourself. You are only pigeonholed if you believe yourself to be.

Your circumstances do not define you. Neither do your friends or your religion, for that matter.

You are a spiritual being and you are more powerful than you know — but you must re-member this truth.

You’re more than just another citizen, employee, social security number, and human being that shares space and oxygen with others on this earth.

You came into this world for a reason. And you brought with you a reason for being, a gift to give to this world.

You brought with you an intention.

And what that intention is, only you know.

Maybe you’ve already heard the call from within to pursue it. Perhaps you’ve ignored it, or sought means to distract yourself. But still it persists.

The call may have been present in our childhood years when we could actually remember our soul’s purpose. At this tender age we had no reason to believe that our dreams would not come true. We had faith in a certain magical quality of life kept alive by our childlike innocence — only to have adults and the people that ‘love us’ tell us not to get caught up in wishful or fanciful thinking. They told us it’s not practical or feasible and that it is best not to set our hopes high because we’ll only become disappointed later in life. ‘Do like everyone else,’ they tell us. ‘Play it safe and you’ll be alright.’ Already we’ve been instilled with a false sense of security — hence we seek to control our circumstances, rather than be guided by intuition and mysterious synchronicities, which would indicate a kind of surrender to a power greater than our understanding. The ego is not willing to give up this control. The paradox, however, is that while it seeks to stand out and proclaim itself special and different, it also craves acceptance and approval, making its power totally dependent on others.

And as it pertains to those well meaning adults in our lives, it’s often times them who gave up on their dreams early in life only to unconsciously try to keep others from breaking free. This pattern must now be broken. But first you must become conscious of how this is pattern repeats itself — and then consciously break the cycle. We must be vigilant that underneath the ‘care and concern’ that the adults in our lives exhibit toward us, what is actually occurring is that  their fears are becoming our fears through mental programming.  God forbid we should face a bit of hardship and even failure on our path — but adults do not see clearly through their fear-based perception of the world — and only want what’s best for us. We have to develop compassion for them, and understand they’re only doing the best they know how to do.

Most of us have been exposed to conditioning both at home and in school through repetition and rote memorization, combined with negative reinforcement. Those labeled “dreamers” are said to be unrealistic and impractical. The artists, dancers, writers, and musicians are often times told that they won’t make a living following their passions. Those disillusioned by this effect may then trudge through life (having been conditioned) forgoing their own natural sense of intuition or inner guidance, in favor of socially acceptable pursuits. Following the mainstream will get us things like the coveted college admission, potential for long-term employment, bonuses, 401k’s, a mortgage, and social status. This is “security” adults tell us. This is what we should want.

But with our child-like fascination and instinct we can feel something wrong with this — we see that that same adult educating us about ‘the way of the world’ is at the mercy of their employer and the economy to uphold their illusion. We also see clearly the economic trap that awaits us, essentially ensuring our enslavement as we strive toward the attainment of material things. And if our instincts aren’t clear enough, we only have to perceive how these old ideals are now evolving in these changing times. Indeed, old economic and social paradigms are now falling apart around us as a new reality takes shape.

“All progress comes from those who do not take the accepted view, nor accept the world as it is.”
-Neville

Many have given up their personal power and put it in the system. They’ve long since quieted their wise inner voice, instead tuning into a group consciousness, whether they’re conscious of it or not.

If you’re lost, then just look for some of the many clues alerting you to your natural inclinations, talents and interests. Children reveal this to us all the time. They naturally gravitate towards that which ‘calls’ to them and lay down the things that don’t pique their interest in the slightest. The problem is that there’s another voice — that of conditioning, fear, and limiting belief in oneself — that denies you of your rightful inheritance to learn your soul’s purpose, experience your greatness, and discover your reason for being.

David Deida offers a very astute analogy in his book, ‘The Way of the Superior Man.’ He describes one’s life purpose as a “concentric circle,” and that by working from the outside in, layer by layer, you will soon discover the core of who you are and why you’re here. This is a life-long process, and it’s never too late to begin peeling back the layers — but there’s also no reason to hesitate!

I say you should “try on” different jobs, areas of study, life paths, activities, countries, friends, partners, and even personalities, until you find one that fits. That’s what makes life fun — variety! And it is this very process of self discovery that will bring back the joy into your life that following the herd can never deliver.

Reinvent yourself until you arrive at the person you want to be, the life you want to have, doing what you love with the people that allow you to be YOU!

Be a creator, not a competitor.

Take back your life and live it how you see fit, not how others have envisioned it for you — or worse, expected of you.

Whenever I fall into a pattern of thinking that I’d rather just stop going against the grain and be like everyone else — that I’d rather just fit in, seek outside approval, and rejoin group consciousness (or herd mentality), thereby turning off my intuition and inner intelligence — I stop myself and repeat something I heard Wayne Dyer, one of my favorite spiritual teachers, once say:

“I would rather be loathed for who I am, than loved for who I am not.”

Yes, it sounds absolute — but it’s powerful! Staying the course takes courage. It requires you to break away from the herd and asks that you learn to be comfortable spending time alone, sometimes without distraction, to uncover your mission, your purpose, your passion.

Don’t settle for anything less than you know yourself to be. The dream contained within you as a seed must take shape and grow to its full potential. You know if the life you’re living is your truth or a lie. And if you find it is the latter, then chances are the unrest in the seat of your soul will only persist and get louder if you seek to silence it, or distract yourself from hearing its voice.

So, it is up to you to either break free from the status quo that contains you, or settle for a mediocre life.

The choice is yours.

“You will either step forward into growth, or you will step backward into safety.”
-Abraham Maslow

Tristan Montoya

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The future will belong not only to the educated man, but to the man who is educated to use his leisure wisely.

-C. K. Brightbill

What do the Internet (Facebook / Youtube / Twitter), television, newspapers, film and radio have in common? These are all forms of mass media. If you spend your free time passively consuming mass media, it is likely to be disappointing in the long-run. Mass media consumption requires very little psychological energy, and rarely helps you grow. Its purpose is not to make you happy. It is (usually) to make someone else money. And by passively consuming the same information as everyone else, you are likely to think like everyone else.

As technology continues to improve, it is becoming easier than ever for you to spend your free time passively, living vicariously through the creations of others. An example would be getting home from work and deciding to watch television or Youtube videos instead of creating something of your own. You are stagnating during your free time when you could be growing. This is okay occasionally, as you need time to relax and recover after work. The problem is when it becomes a daily habit (e.g. watching television for 4-5 hours per day).

Create Healthy Habits For Your Free Time: Mass Media Rehab

By using your free time to create and grow, instead of passively consuming, you will find yourself living a more meaningful life.

Create your own content: You wouldn’t be reading this blog post if I hadn’t started LifeEvolver.Com four years ago. With the Internet, it’s easier than ever to create your own content and get instant feedback. For example, you could start your own a blog or create videos on Youtube today. Immediate feedback from the online community could help you improve and refine your talent. This type of instant feedback wasn’t available to artists 50 years ago. And don’t forget to reach out to friends and family for feedback as well.

Examples: Write your own book, create your own movie, start your own blog, create a video on Youtube

Become an active contributor: You can continue to use mass media, but become an active contributor. The Internet is the easiest form of mass media to participate in. Did you know that only 1-2% of website visitors actually contribute content? This is the case for Wikipedia and most other websites (Benkler 2007). If you have a valuable opinion, or are an expert on a subject, why not share it with others? You might be surprised how much feedback you start getting, how many interesting people you meet along the way, and how good it feels to contribute to a greater cause. You can help support online communities by content, contributing feedback, comments, and ratings to websites.

Examples: Create an article on Wikipedia, comment on a blog post, rate a Youtube video, edit a spelling error on a Wikipedia article

Get away from mass media: As with your work, it’s healthy to create a daily ritual of disconnecting from your home computer and television. There are plenty of leisure activities which do not require the passive consumption of mass media.

Examples: Play a sport, learn to play an instrument, create art, create music, exercise, join an improvisation group

Create goals for how you use your free time: Choose goals that are intrinsically rewarding. This means that you enjoy the process of reaching your goals. Also make sure that your goals are challenging, have clear objectives, a clear timeline and performance criteria.

Example: Let’s say that you decide to create a leisure time goal of reading one book per week. Choose books that you enjoy reading, and you will enjoy the process of reaching this goal. Your goal would be “I will read one book per week of at least 200 pages for the next three months, starting on April 1st and finishing on June 30th.”

Creating Healthy Work and Leisure Habits

For more tips on creating healthy work and leisure / free time habits, ready my mini-book Escape the Rat Race:

Escape the Rat Race: Change Your Mind or Take the Emergency Exit
How can you escape the rat race? Should you change your job? Or can you keep it, while making smaller changes to your daily habits and ways of thinking? This mini-book explores both options, and teaches you when each is appropriate for escaping the rat race.

Creating Alternate Sources of Income During Your Free Time

Are you interested in creating alternate sources of income during your free time? Check out my other mini-book Modern Moonlighting:

Modern Moonlighting: Keep Your Day Job, Make Extra Money, Do What You Love
How can you create alternative sources of income while keeping your day job? This mini-book teaches you how to start moonlighting and gain more independence from your job.

Sources:

• Benkler, Y. (2007). The Wealth of Networks: How Social Production Transforms Markets and Freedom. Yale University Press.
• Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2008). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. 1ST Edition. Harper Perennial Modern Classics.

photo credit: zophonias

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Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human. Society is something that precedes the individual. Anyone who either cannot lead the common life or is so self-sufficient as not to need to, and therefore does not partake of society, is either a beast or a god.

-Aristotle, Politics

To be part of a society, you need to be socialized. Random House Dictionary defines socialization as “a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position.” Your family members, school teachers, and peer groups were all part of the socialization process. They let you know exactly what your “social position” was and taught you a set of values which helped you fit in with society. The process you went through is not unique to humans: all mammals are social creatures. For example, meerkat young learn by watching and mimicking adult behavior. Adult meerkats also actively teach their pups.

Unfortunately, human socialization has some unintended consequences. One of these is the seeking of external approval and applying of external goals to your life. When submit to completely, external approval and external goals start running your life. If you are to take control of your consciousness and pursue your own goals, you must first learn to break free from your rat racer values.

The Problem: Rat Racer Values

Here are the rat racer values you may want to break free from:

Money- “I want to be rich”: Falsely believing that you will be happy when you make more money. Becoming a workaholic to make more money.

Things- “I want to accumulate more things”: Falsely believing that accumulating more possessions will make you happy. Valuing things over people and experiences.

Status / Approval- “I want to be liked and fit in”: Pursuing a career path that Mom or Dad told you to go after. Working at a job you hate to pay for your family’s high consumption. Not speaking up at work when you have a good idea, for fear of getting shot down. Falsely believing that once you obtain status, people will like and respect you. Trying to “keep up with the Joneses.” Becoming popular with lots of people, but not building close relationships with individuals.

Power- “I want to dominate”: Using others only as a means to achieve your goals. Trying to one-up others, dominate conversations. Constantly pinpointing other people’s weaknesses and failures.

Each individual has their own unique set of rat racer values. Some may accentuate the value of Money, others may accentuate Approval. Some individuals may not have all of these values.

People who submit completely to these social values, and mistakenly believe that their happiness is obtained only by achieving external goals, are rat racers who never enjoy the present moments of life:

Schools, churches, and banks try to turn us into responsible citizens willing to work hard and save . . . merchants, manufacturers, and advertisers to spend our earnings on products that will produce the most profits for them . . . gamblers, pimps, and drug dealers promise rewards for easy dissipation- provided we pay. The messages are very different, but their outcome is essentially the same: they make us dependent on a social system that exploits our energies for its own purposes.

-Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow

The Solution: Take Control of Your Consciousness

To break free from rat racer values, you must seek personally-selected goals built from your personal values. Going back to Aristotle’s quote, “Society is something that precedes the individual”, isn’t seeking your own goals selfish? No. Society will actually benefit more from you pursuing your own intrinsic goals. A study done by the University of Rochester’s Human Motivation Research Group found that people whose motivation was “self-authored” exhibited more interest, excitement, and confidence, as well as greater persistence, creativity and performance than a control group who were motivated by external demands and rewards.

Read my free happiness handbook for the full solution:

Evolve Your Life Happiness Handbook
You’ve heard the advice, “Go to school, get a good job, get promoted, climb the corporate ladder, and you will eventually find happiness.” All too often, people follow this society-prescribed path to success, falsely believing that it will lead them to happiness. This mini-book teaches an alternative blueprint for happiness, based on research from numerous books and scientific studies, along with Derek’s personal experience.

photo credit: lucyb_22

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Risks of Living a Workaholic Lifestyle

For people under fifty, what is the greatest predictor of heart attacks? More potent than smoking, high blood pressure, or diabetes? It’s job satisfaction (Dossey 1992). We’ve known this for more than twenty years, and yet many of us don’t make changes when we get stuck in a toxic work environment. Career stress is the greatest health problem for working adults.

The workaholic lifestyle is becoming a bigger problem each year in the United States. According to the Bureau of Labor statistics, there are an estimated 10 million workers who average more than 60 hours per week. According to the International Labor Organization, Americans work 137 more hours per year than Japanese workers, 260 more hours per year than British workers, and 499 more hours per year than French workers (International Labor Organization 2011).

Workaholics live a very unhealthy way of life. Research shows that they have a significantly higher than average incidence of stress-related illnesses, divorce, and alcohol abuse. There has even been a support group started in the United States called Workaholics Anonymous, with over 50 meetings now taking place on a regular basis.

As further proof of the workaholic lifestyle problem, more Americans are canceling their vacations each year. According to a USA Today survey, 64 percent of Americans canceled their vacations in 2010. One third canceled their vacations due to work-related reasons, 25 percent check into work regularly while on vacation, and 58 percent feel they are more in need of a vacation than last year (Shontell 2010, September 13).

Symptoms of Living a Workaholic Lifestyle

Burnout: You may be burnt out but still continue to push on at your job. Think about lifting weights at the gym. When you push yourself beyond your ordinary work limits, and regularly seek recovery, you will grow. When you don’t allow yourself to recover, you end up getting burned out as a consequence.

Fear of losing your job: You may have a strong fear of being fired or laid off. This is related to the false belief of obtaining 100% job security. Complete job security is never a reality, and becoming a workaholic due to fear only leads to unhappiness. You aren’t changing the fact that you could still be fired or laid off. You’re just losing your free time and peace of mind.

Artificial importance: You may be addicted to your work on a psychological level. Maybe you like the feeling of importance when you become busier. Even when it means being unavailable to your friends and family. This artificial importance will only create artificial success and eventually lead to unhappiness.

Drugs mask the problem: If you rely on alcohol, marijuana or sleeping pills to calm down, you are trying to artificially create relaxation. Similarly, if you rely on stimulants such as caffeine or amphetamines, you are trying to artificially create alertness. These artificial means of relaxation and alertness are masking the bigger problem. You are overexerting yourself without recovery and living your life in a constant state of stress.

2 Approaches for Curing a Workaholic Lifestyle

Approach 1) Keep your current job, but create healthy work habits. Read my mini-book Escape the Rat Race:

Escape the Rat Race: Change Your Mind or Take the Emergency Exit
How can you escape the rat race? Should you change your job? Or can you keep it, while making smaller changes to your daily habits and ways of thinking? This mini-book explores both options, and teaches you when each is appropriate for escaping the rat race.

Approach 2) Explore options for quitting your job. Check out my mini-book Quit Your Job:

Quit Your Job: Decide When to Leave and What to Do After
How do you decide if you should quit your job or take a sabbatical? This mini-book guides you through making the decision to quit, and what to research before quitting.

Sources

• Dossey, Larry. (1992). Meaning and Medicine. Bantam.
• International Labor Organization. (2011). ILO Report. Retrieved November 10, 2011 from http://www.ilo.org
• Shontell, A. (2010). 64% Of Americans Canceled Their Vacations This Year. Business Insider. Retrieved October 24, 2011 from http://articles.businessinsider.com/2010-09-13/strategy/30034977_1_vacation-online-poll-summer

photo credit: patrickgensel

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Here are details for each mini-book:

Evolve Your Life Happiness Handbook
You’ve heard the advice, “Go to school, get a good job, get promoted, climb the corporate ladder, and you will eventually find happiness.” All too often, people follow this society-prescribed path to success, falsely believing that it will lead them to happiness. This mini-book teaches an alternative blueprint for happiness, based on research from numerous books and scientific studies, along with Derek’s personal experience. This mini-book is free, just enter your e-mail address at the top of this page.

Money and Happiness: Why Winning the Lottery Is Not the Answer
Are you happier when you have more money? According to happiness research, no. This mini-book teaches you how to let go of your false beliefs about money and learn research-proven ways to become happier.

Escape the Rat Race: Change Your Mind or Take the Emergency Exit
How can you escape the rat race? Should you change your job? Or can you keep it, while making smaller changes to your daily habits and ways of thinking? This mini-book explores both options, and teaches you when each is appropriate for escaping the rat race.

Your Comfort Zone: Step Outside It, Face Your Fears and Grow
How can you face your fears, take risks, and change your daily routines to grow? This mini-book teaches you how to become knowledgeable about your fears and overcome them by taking small steps outside of your comfort zone.

Modern Moonlighting: Keep Your Day Job, Make Extra Money, Do What You Love
How can you create alternative sources of income while keeping your day job? This mini-book teaches you how to start moonlighting and gain more independence from your job.

Quit Your Job: Decide When to Leave and What to Do After
How do you decide if you should quit your job or take a sabbatical? This mini-book guides you through making the decision to quit, and what to research before quitting.

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Whatever method you use, meditation is simply getting to know your mind. It’s not about meditating “on” something or getting into a zone where you’re blissfully removed from your mind’s contents. Instead, the actual meaning of meditation is more like getting used to being with your own mind.
-Dzogchen Ponlop, Rebel Buddha: A Guide to a Revolution of Mind

Why Meditate?

Meditation helps us increase our mindfulness and awareness, strengthen our sense of inner peace, and improve our ability to deal with our emotions. After practicing meditation over a period of time, the mind naturally falls into a resting state, allowing us to be fully present in our life. When we are not constantly pulled into the past or future, we are able to begin experiencing the present moment.

Sitting Meditation

Calm abiding meditation, or shamatha, is a practice that helps us to develop a peaceful state of mind, along with the ability to remain in a peaceful state for increasing periods of time. Normally our mind is a whirlwind of thought, so “peace” is the calming down of the mental agitation and stress caused by this whirlwind.
-Dzogchen Ponlop, Rebel Buddha: A Guide to a Revolution of Mind

This is the easiest type of meditation to start practicing. I’ve adapted these steps from Rebel Buddha: A Guide to a Revolution of Mind.

Step 1: Find a Comfortable Seat or Cushion

Find a comfortable seat in a chair or cushion. Have a relaxed but erect posture, keeping your spine straight. If you are sitting on a cushion, cross your legs. If you are sitting on a chair, place your feet evenly, flat on the ground. Your hands can rest in your lap or on your thighs. Why? Your body’s position has a powerful effect on your mind. A natural and upright position allows your mind to rest naturally in a calm state. A slouched position will make it difficult to rest your mind.

Step 2: Watch Your Breathing

Sitting relaxed but erect position, watch your breathing. You should be breathing natural, even and relaxed. Focus your attention on your breathing, specifically the coming and going of the breath at the tip of the nose and mouth.

Step 3: Become One With Your Breath

As you do this practice for some time, you start to become your breath. You feel the inhale and exhale and become one with the breath.

Step 4: Allow a Gap

At the end of your exhalation, let your mind and breath dissolve. Allow a gap and let it go. There’s no rush to take the next breath. Keep your mind on the breath as you inhale, feel it, and relax.

Bonus Step: Wandering Thoughts and Counting Your Breath

When you are meditating, you will experience all kinds of thoughts, some of which may seem extremely important. Instead of getting up and stopping meditation, simply recognize the thoughts and continue. Acknowledge each thought and then let it go.

If your mind becomes distracted with thoughts, or the sense of nowness is gone, you can practice counting your breathing. Simply observe your breathing and count each inhale/exhale cycle as one breath. If you find your mind wandering off into a thought, start over at one. Keep this up until you can count from one to ten without becoming distracted. Afterwards, you can start setting new goals for yourself, such as counting to one hundred without your mind wandering off.

photo credit: bainesmcg

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Birth is suffering, aging is suffering, illness is suffering, death is suffering; sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief and despair are suffering; union with what is displeasing is suffering; separation from what is pleasing is suffering; not to get what one wants is suffering; in brief, the five aggregates subject to clinging are suffering.

Are you suffering right now? Have you suffered today? The original teachings of Buddhism state that suffering arises from attachments to desires, and suffering ceases when this attachment ceases.

Step 1: Make a list of your negative emotions

Make a list of any negative emotion you have experienced today. For example:

• Anger
• Sadness
• Frustration
• Impatience
• Boredom
• Anxiety

Step 2: Make a list of your attachments to desires

Now make another list of all your attachments to desires. These are all the things that you will suffer without. For example:

• Money
• Relationship
• Sex
• Job
• Acceptance by others / need to be liked
• Happiness / need to be happy all the time
• Staying busy / freedom from boredom
• Alcohol / cigarettes / drugs
• Staying young

Step 3: Connect your negative emotions to your list of attachments to desires

Now combine your two lists. Connect each of your negative emotions to your list of attachments to desires. For example:

• Sadness: Relationship
• Frustration and Impatience: Happiness / need to be happy all the time
• Boredom: Staying busy / freedom from boredom
• Anxiety: Money, Acceptance by others / need to be liked, Staying young

Step 4: Realize that nothing lasts

There are many types of suffering, but there’s one that’s worth contemplating above all others: nothing lasts. Life is short, the clock never stops ticking, and the time of your death will be a surprise.
-Dzogchen Ponlop, Rebel Buddha: A Guide to a Revolution of Mind

Now, using the theme that “Nothing Lasts”, write down each of your attachments to desires. Template- “I’ll never have ____ permanently.” For example:

• I’ll never have a job permanently, or have 100% job security
• I’ll never be happy all the time
• I won’t always fit in or be accepted by other people
• I’ll never have a relationship that will last forever
• I can’t stay young and I won’t live forever

Step 5: Contemplate getting all of your desires

Meditating on impermanence and seeing the transient nature of things helps us to let go of attachment and to set our priorities wisely. Imagining getting all the things we are attached to and then asking ourselves, “Now am I forever happy?” enables us to stop obsessing about the things and people we are attached to. As we let go of the attachment, our fear of not having or of losing these objects of attachment will naturally dissipate.
-Thubten Chodron, Buddhism for Beginners

Whatever our desires may be, getting the object of our desire is not the same thing as contentment, which comes from within. In the end, we’ll never find complete contentment, a perfect sense of peace, if our mind isn’t content and at peace.
Dzogchen Ponlop, Rebel Buddha: A Guide to a Revolution of Mind

photo credit: tö

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